As I've said before, I'm extremely excited for art school. I have some reservations, especially with the recent economy downturn. However, in 2 years when I finish school it should be better, otherwise I'll just go to grad school and keep going til it does, but I'm not going to worry about it now cause if i want something bad enough, i'll get it. After the first year and a half i have to get an internship at MCC anyways, so that will get my foot in the door, and i want to apprentice under an interior designer for a year and learn the business and possibly do a year of grad school, then i will work for a bigger firm until I know enough and have a big enough base to leave...so that could be 5 years from now, and i have no clue what city i will be in. I have no idea what life will bring, but I'm doing a lot better this year with not stressing about it now. I have to just take things in day by day until I can go to design school.
My biggest issue right now with my undergraduate is that I just hate that i don't have a challenge at Fisher anymore. I would never take my experiences here back because they lead me to some great people and great times, especially my time studying abroad, but it has lead me into great student loan debt and some regret that I didn't go to art school in the first place. Especially on days like today and especially yesterday when people don't take classes, professors or topics seriously because they aren't passionate about what they are talking about or doing in school. I don't know if this is because 'daddy' is paying for college and they think it's the right thing to do to get a job or if I just have Senioritis. It's driving me crazy anyway.
I feel like even though Fisher is a small school, it's like I'm walking in a crowd of the same people. Everyone looks EXACTLY the same, with their fisher gear, north faces, uggs, vera bradley bags and american eagle jeans. I know I've written about this before, but am I just a number? a face? a check for tuition? I feel like I'm walking in a sea of people, and I'm guilty of the same fashion crimes, since I wear them too, but lately I just feel so desperate to be an individual and retaliate and I'm not sure if that is a result of feeling confined in this tiny school and frustrated by the people in it. It's just ridiculously hypocritical that school wants to advertise diversity but every single person in it wears the same clothes, dates the same people and comes from the exact same cookie cutter subdivision. we cannot have diverse and passionate conversations in these classes because everyone is ASLEEP!!
They are all boring drones that come from the exact same version of the same town I came from and dont have an original thought because they have been arguing the same points with the same people for the last twenty one years. How can I expect to grow and learn and argue points with people from different backgrounds, if the professors, students and staff are all the same? Because they are. There might be a few people that are different, but they are treated differently and if you are different you are looked at like an outcast. I'm not saying its the same as high school, but if you know more, act differently or do things outside of the center of the spectrum, it's not the school for you and you totally are made to feel like it.
For the course work, I am taking 18 credits and I feel the pain of that within readings and homework, and that's not the challenge. The coursework is average to difficult, but the people in my class are silly and don't take it seriously. I'm sick of being with people who don't care. even higher level 300 classes, they have no idea what they are talking about. they spit back out what the professors saying i cant even explain how frustrating it is.
For example, I was in art class, and i want it to be engaging and invigorating and pushing the envelope and have discussions in art like in my semester abroad when we had all these senior art majors from different countries. people who take art seriously like me, it's their life. The professor encourages this, and is an incredible professor, but I hate the way all of the kids are just taking the class for credit or a grade and not because they actually like art.
It really makes me worry that the same thing might happen at MCC. I hope not, cause it's not a liberal arts program, it's more hands on and an adult program, but it's not the art institute or FIDM or something hard to get into. i know the coursework will be harder for me....but i just dont know. it's so frustrating to be at fisher.
I just feel like maybe i missed out by not going to art school. which makes me glad i'm going to MCC, but still worried. The most frustrating event happened the day before yesterday.
There was a kid in one of my art classes who literally, LITERALLY when the professor asked 'what do you have to say about this painting' he said 'its BLURRY'. BLURRY?!!!! ARE YOU freakin KIDDING?!!!! it's on a powerpoint. it's not blurry. that's not an art adjective. GET out of the class if you dont care.
Phew. That felt good.
-Heather.
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